Is that a fish in your pocket or is uyor penis wrigglinh and writhing frantically in the hopesof returning to the sea
Tumblr really has ruined me. I was in a Rite-Aid and "out of touch" came on over the speakers, and I freaked out a bit because I thought I had missed my thursday morning meeting. It took me a minute before I remembered that Out of Touch playing does not always mean its thursday. sometimes people just play the song.
ALTcan’t decide if i hate this or if it’s good, the very colorful stuff trips me up
my friend asked me to pretend to be her boyfriend because her parents are homophobic af but they ended up hating me so much that they were glad when she said she was gay task failed successfully
okay so
- be a goth. conservative christian parents don't approve of goth men. show up to their house wearing all kinds of satanic symbols if you can
- know more about religion than the parents. they'll try to introduce you to christianity because you don't exactly look like a christian but your dad's an ex priest and has a phd in theology so *cracks knuckles* you'll correct them on every little mistake they make
- call your fake girlfriend every annoying petname under the sun. i'm talking about babu, shmoopie, snuffleupagus. when you run out of annoying english terms of endearment call her shit like "my liver" or "my little cabbage" (actual greek terms of endearments but the parents won't know this they'll just think you're annoying :3)
- to continue this, talk to your fake girlfriend in the most high pitched annoying voice possible but talk in your regular voice to everyone else
stare at her older brother's ass for just a little too long- have an annoying laugh. think of sybil fawlty but a stereotypical villain playing a church organ in his castle
- let them quote bible verses to you. then ask "so when were those two destroyed for sodomy?". it's very funny to do this when judas kisses jesus, and it's even funnier when you've just corrected them over a minor mistake in church history
- ask WHY abraham was begging for sodom. it doesn't make sense to you why a good christian man would go and beg for tha-
- be over possessive of your fake gf (dont really do this, it's just an act)
go and fuck her brother in an alleyway.the parents won't know about this so it's an optional step- use words no one knows the meaning of. do this without realising because you always talk like that
- just be yourself! that's enough on its own to make them despise you tbh
yes
i kissed him on the lips infront of his parents and claimed it was the usual greek greeting between men is that enough for you
Are you…. Are you secretly dating her brother OP?
yes
I wonder why
omfg i forgot that i never showed tumblr my greatest achievement. my pride and joy, my pi-ass de résistance
you're welcome
if you reblog this i am kissing you on the mouth. no that is not negotiable. we are in love now. we are dating. we are planning the wedding. i will be with you on your wedding night
o/ <- person waving
o7 <- person saluting
ol <- person raising hand
o1 <- person scratching head
\o> <- person stretching
\o/ <- woohoo!
<o> <- EXTREME STRESS, LIKE "OH FUCK OH SHIT" STRESS
orz <- the person is on their hands and knees, on the floor, god what happened to them
OTL <- same, but we are now closer to them (mb softly pat their back or something)
or2 <- the person is still on their hands and knees but they've got a fat ass now
OGC <- person cranking their hog